Paraka (paraka) wrote,
Paraka
paraka

So, this weeks SGA. Wow, just wow. This is the show I love. Please, please, please have more episodes like this. I loved it so much! ♥

If they keep the episodes coming like this and Woolsey remains as awesome cool as he's been than I shall be very happy with this season. :D

Also, in other news I think I really need to move out as soon as I can. I joke with my friends that while I don't pay for rent in money, living with my parents, I pay for it with little pieces of my soul. That's really unfair to my parents because it's not actually bad living here. I do however think the statement has some truth.

For those of you who have been on my flist for a long time, you may remember my huge downs and depressions back from 2004/2005. While I've never been as deeply depressed for so long like that since, I still get depressed. When I'm in school is when I'm worse because that's when I start hurting myself.

When I first started to get depressed as an adult I firmly put the blame for that depression on outside stressors in life, such as school. Then when I moved to China where there wasn't any real stress in my life I still found myself in certain moods. It wasn't anything as strong as what I felt in Guelph, but it was there when I thought it should be. It was easily fixed for the most part, I would read a sad fic, cry and generally feel better by the next day. That made me realize that my depression wasn't just caused by outside things.

I hadn't really come to more revelations about my depression after that. There were times when it became worse (certainly when I was in school) and other times when it wasn't there at all. Then the first weekend of July came, and I was feeling kind of meh. Not depressed yet, but not happy, until I got a call from raxhel saying she was in the neighbourhood and could she stop by. All of a sudden I was feeling really happy. We had a great couple days together but when she left, suddenly the bad feels came back with a vengeance and I was left feeling like crap.

I think that's where I'm at right now. There's not enough consistent happiness in my life, combined with the low grade unhappiness of living at home has been leaving me in a position where it's really easy to get depressed. Yesterday I had the stupidest conversation with my sister that left me angry and crying. I went and hid in my room and just cried. It really had nothing to do with what we had just said but it was the last straw and suddenly I was there. Depressed. I suddenly understood how people can become alcoholics because I found myself wanted to get drunk. I did actually get kind of tipsy, as equusentric found out :P, but I kind of regretted it because combined with the huge dinner we had I felt like I was going to throw up.

And last, but certainly not least, a great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my soul twin, itsjustkristen I don't see you hanging around online much any more but I miss you and hope you have a great day!
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