Paraka (paraka) wrote,

Probably TMI, but *meh*

So, I'm fat. I've been fat all my life, I freely admit this. So, it drives me crazy when people assume that because you're fat, your biggest wish is to not be fat. Sure, if someone came out with a pill tomorrow that would safely have you lose weight without having to work for it, I'd probably take it, but my weight isn't something I stress over from day to day. I have no doubt that I could lose a ton of weight if I really wanted to, sure it's hard, but I'm super stubborn about the things I want.

The thing is though, I don't mind my weight. Not really. I'm comfortable in my body. Sure I can't run marathons or anything, but I don't want to in the first place, so it's all good. There have been a few times in my life, where I have been uncomfortable with my fitness level (not necessarily my weight), when I've let things go, and suddenly I find myself getting winded, or tired well before I think I should, and at those points in my life, I've gotten my act together and *fixed* it.

I'm at one of those points in my life now. Now that I'm working instead of going to school, and living in the country instead of in the city, I find myself sitting at a desk all day and driving everywhere, so I'm beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. To fix this, I've joined a gym with a friend of mine. We've been going about 3 times a week this past month.

The part that's driving me crazy, is everyone assumes I'm going because I'm finally going to lose all my extra weight. My parents and sister ask me *every* *day* how things are going at the gym, and I want to kill them. They're telling the *rest* of my family that I'm finally going to the gym, and it's frustrating, because I think the rest of the family is expecting me to have lost 20 pounds by the next time we meet. My mom always goes on and on about this diet or another, and about how she really wants to lose weight too; she'll get into a ton of different philosophies, and can seriously talk about it for *hours*. I run away whenever I can before she ca really get into it.

Except, that's totally not why I'm going to the gym. I won't be unhappy if I lose weight from the work outs, but losing weight requires a lifestyle change, and I'm not dieting, nor am I killing myself to burn off all those calories. I'm just going and building up some muscle so I won't feel uncomfortable with myself. It's already working wonders for me (my knee had been bothering and I had been limping a bit, and now it's totally gone). I got a health check yesterday and they said my heart rate is amazing (although, I don't imagine my 3 weeks at the gym did that, since my resting heart rate was like 20 beats/minute under that of a normal person).

I just... wish everyone would lay off me about it, because if they don't it's going to lead to disappointment all around.

Also, I really want to move out to my own place. Like now. I'm trying to save up for a house, but gah, I wish I could move today.
Tags: *whine*, family, rl
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